there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
