ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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