I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
