went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
