I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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