watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
