Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
