WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
