so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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