All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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