sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
