actually, I'm a sock model
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
