Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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