Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
