How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
