you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
