I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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