I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
