Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
