i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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