Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
