I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
