1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize