NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
