Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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