Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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