I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
