Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
