They should really pass out barf bags in church
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
