the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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