they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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