I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
