So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
