Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have fence marks all over my body
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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