I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Houston, we have a blender
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
