she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
