6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
