Swine flu. Run for my life!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
