Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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