I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
