My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
