I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
