you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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