I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
