now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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