It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
