i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
