Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
