He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
