hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize