I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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