I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
