man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
