I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize