that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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