Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
