I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
