I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My feet surprised me
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