Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
