uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize