Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize