I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
