Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
