last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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