Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
