youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
