Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
And then he peed in my hair
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