FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
