I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
