Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
