i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I had to cum in my sink.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize