I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
