That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
