With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
