Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
two words...techno handjob
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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