it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
