I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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