I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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