I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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