I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
