He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
