so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
