is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
