I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
