I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
