He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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