Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
