They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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