I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
