i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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