I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
