and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
