Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
