I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
