She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You can't special order awesome
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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