Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
