I'm really into asian looking animals
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
