we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
