you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
